Hello my dear readers!
I decided to start this new week of with a more personal blog post. The thought of people reading this makes me a little nervous, but then again, it’s not too personal, if that even makes sense.
My birthday is this Friday (yay!) and I’m turning 18! I am very exited, but it also hit me; I have been trying to lose weight for years now, and failing. The time has gone by so fast and I feel like I haven’t done enough for the past few years.
I wanted to talk about my struggle with weight loss, healthy eating and mental health. I think it’s important to mention mental health too, because, first of all, it’s very important, and second of all, my mental health has been a big part of my struggle with weight loss! I want to feel good about myself. I want to be exited for holidays where I have to wear bikinis. I don’t want to be nervous and find excuses for not going.
Let’s start with the beginning. I have been trying to lose weight since the end of 2013/beginning of 2014. I remember just feeling bad about the way I looked. I wanted to feel pretty, I wanted to be able to wear what I actually wanted to wear, not just what I felt covered the parts of my body I didn’t like. I was tired of feeling like shit. I made my goals for the year; I was going to eat healthy and work out. I even wrote a couple of pages in my diary (which I never wrote in again) about how I was going to eat healthy and finally feel better about my self.
That didn’t last long.
I aimed too high, and found it out quickly. I was going to eat healthy 24/7, 7 days a week. No refined sugar, no unhealthy fats. Nothing. Only healthy stuff. I thought I could manage to change my lifestyle over night. It didn’t take long till I figured I couldn’t. Whenever I ate something I wasn’t “allowed” to eat I felt crap about myself. I felt like a failure everyday because I always ended up eating something I wasn’t suppose to eat.
After some time with not trying to eat healthy, I wanted to start again. I was ready to change my life, and I was going to do it a different way. I had found this girl on instagram that had lost weight and she had done it by eating healthy 6 days a week and one cheat day. I felt like that was going to go great. I could eat whatever I wanted one day of the week and not feel bad about it.
It didn’t work.
I have always loved watching a movie with some treats or crisps and a glass of pepsi (I’m addicted) in the weekend, and not just on a Saturday, also on Fridays and Sundays. And same as with the being healthy every day of the week, I couldn’t stop myself from eating stuff that I wasn’t “suppose” to eat on the weekends. I tried with one cheat day for a while, all though I was constantly failing. I think in the months I tried it that way I managed to only eat crap once a week, once or twice. So simply, it didn’t work for me.
I could obviously have pushed myself to try it more, but it was just making me feel like shit. It wasn’t good for my mental health. I was feeling depressed and constantly feeling like a failure. It wasn’t fun. I couldn’t continue feeling like crap whenever I ate something that I wasn’t supposed to eat.
After a few months break from trying to eat healthy, I was beginning to feel motivated again. I had been watching and reading a lot about healthy eating, and different ways of losing weight. I started considering different diets because I was scared of failing again. I have always been against diets. Low carb, high protein, low fat. I don’t know. I wasn’t looking for a temporary “fix”, I was looking for something that I could continue for years and years. I wanted a new lifestyle, not a thing I would do for a month or two and then gain whatever fat I lost when I went back to normal.
So a diet was out of the question.
I have now realised that restriction isn’t for me. After watching youtubers like Anna Saccone and Melanie Murphy I have realised that it’s possible to lose weight and have a piece of cake every once in a while. If I want to order a big bowl of ice cream at a restaurant I want to do so without feeling like I’m failing.
I think it’s important to get to the point of feeling ok with eating unhealthy stuff if I feel like it. I don’t want to come to a point where I’m so caught up with what I eat and how much I eat. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. I don’t want to end up with an eating disorder or something like that.
Even though it’s possible to lose weight by just eating healthier, it’s important to move your body. I have tried different things here too. I had a gym membership; didn’t work. I ended up going once or twice a month. Some months I didn’t go at all. I hated going to the gym. I felt judged my lack of skills, I never pushed my self too much and I didn’t like being closed up inside. I started trying different youtube workout videos. I liked it a lot more, but it wasn’t the thing for me.
I still haven’t found the type of workout that is right for me. My family recently bought a boxing bag, and I did work out three times a week for three weeks, and I really liked it but I just lost my motivation.
I think the right thing for me is to do a mix of things; some boxing, going for walks as often as possible and doing a little bit of yoga every once in a while.
My family is already talking about going to Spain or something the summer of 2017, and I want to go, and I want to feel happy about my body till then. I have had a habit of giving myself goals that are to hard to achieve. This time I’m giving myself almost a year to become happy about my body. I think its more achievable, and pray to all the gods for help.
So my plan for these upcoming weeks/months is to add healthy stuff into my “diet” instead of taking stuff out. Melanie Murphy (who I just started becoming obsessed with) have said in a few videos that it’s “better” to add healthy food into you diet than to take things out. By eating healthier stuff you’ll get more of the vitamins and minerals you need and you will stop craving so much unhealthy stuff. I want to take it slow, but not too slow. One small change can change a lot.
I’m going to end it there. I hope you enjoyed reading, and please let me know if you have any tips! Thank you for reading!